This week I’m sharing an eye-roll moment I had recently while watching TV.
Also don’t miss a new section I’m trying out in this issue: The Fine Print. It’ll show up every now and then…it’s about details that are easy to miss, but are definitely worth noticing.
🍽 The Main Course: There Had to be a Reason.
I watched an episode of The Pitt recently that’s been getting a lot of praise (don’t worry, no spoilers here).
A man in a very large body is brought into the ER. Most of the staff treat him with respect. One person makes an insensitive comment and gets corrected. Overall, it’s being held up as an example of how respect should look.
Naturally, I was on board.
And then came the explanation. An injury. A stretch of time where he couldn’t move the way he used to. His weight gets framed in a way that makes it make sense. Makes it understandable. He's also regretful, apologetic.
And I had that immediate, almost reflexive reaction…”of course” (eye roll).
Because why can’t it be enough to simply treat a person in a large body with the respect they deserve, regardless of conditions?
Explanations and apologies become the price for compassion and respect.
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Like it or not, in our society there’s a version of a large person that is easier for others to accept. They're the good ones. The ones with a backstory. The ones who didn’t "choose" it.
They're the ones who are apologetic...who’re at least trying to change it.
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I was at a concert last summer when a family took the seats in front of us—mom, dad, two kids, all in larger bodies.
The parents turned around and apologized for being "such a bunch of giants” and for sitting in front of us. They visibly tried to shrink themselves. Slouching, crossing their arms over their bodies.
I froze, caught off guard, and said something unhelpful like, “oh, you’re fine.”
It stuck with me afterward, wishing I’d said something else.
But what stayed with me most was the kids. They listened to the whole exchange. You could see it land.
That’s how it gets passed down. Quietly. Absorbed. Normalized.
The idea that some bodies require an apology.
🪞 Table Talk: I'm still not Neutral.
I’ve been doing this work for close to a decade now. And I still catch things that make me pause.
Recently I took the Implicit Association Test, the one focused on weight. It’s a quick test that looks at how easily you associate certain words with certain groups (basically…it demonstrates bias).
And even now, I still don’t associate “good” words with “fat” people as easily as I do with “thin” people.
That wasn’t a great feeling. But it also wasn’t surprising.
Because this stuff is everywhere. And it gets in early.
If you’re curious (or brave), you can take it, too. Go here, scroll down and click on “I wish to proceed”. It’s best done on a computer (not phone) and takes about 5-10 minutes.
🔍 The Fine Print: How Much is 50%, Really?
The other day I heard someone say: “I was diagnosed with ___, and that means I have a 50% chance of getting ___.”
And I remember thinking, wow… that sounds big. But also… I’m not sure that’s quite right.
Numbers are misleading without context. We see this all the time in headlines... something “increases risk by 50%” and we think… sheesh, that’s huge!
We need to remember they’re referring to relative risk. Not absolute risk.
If something goes from 2 out of 100 people to 3 out of 100 people, that’s a 50% increase.
But it’s also just one more person out of 100.
Same numbers. But it creates a very different feeling.
📿 Sweet Moment(s): One for the Rule Book
From the house rules at our Airbnb in New Orleans:
“If you’re applying excessive body glitter, please do so in the backyard.”
Noted. 🤣
Got something you'd like me to talk about in a newsletter? I'm all ears. Send me a note!
Until next time - more dogs, less dogma. Always.
Carol
P.S. New here? Welcome! Curious about past issues? You can find them, here.
