This week: explorations in guilt, suffering, and unproductive productivity.
Also, Benny launches a formal objection.
🍽 The Main Course: When One Brownie is Worse Than Half the Pan.
Women who feel the worst after overeating aren't always the women who ate the most.
That probably sounds obvious. Of course different people react differently. But that's not quite what I'm talking about.
Some women agonize over a single brownie. Others eat half a pan and move on with their day without much more thought.
Someone says they're upset because they "overate," and then you find out they ate two squares of chocolate.
It can seem a little ridiculous. Two squares? That's what we're upset about? Maybe if she had eaten a whole huge chocolate bar....
We make the mistake of thinking people should feel bad in proportion to how much they ate.
As if there's a sliding scale. One brownie? Mild disappointment. Half a pan? Now you can be upset.
But the woman upset about two squares of chocolate may be experiencing the exact same shame spiral as the woman who ate ten times as much.
Sure, the quantity is different. But the self-attack afterward often isn't.
⚖️ Table Talk: Doing Penance
One reason food guilt can be so sticky is that it feels like we're being responsible.
If you've ever spent a whole weekend internally replaying something you ate on Friday night, chances are you weren't doing it because you enjoy suffering.
You were trying to figure something out. What happened? Why did I do that? How do I make sure it doesn't happen again?
Feeling guilt can feel a lot like action. Like you're doing something. And added bonus? You can tell yourself you’re not ‘letting yourself off the hook’.
Food guilt often disguises itself as problem-solving... and a little bit of punishment too.
"If I think about this long enough, maybe I'll finally figure out what went wrong."
"If I feel bad enough, maybe I'll be less likely to do it again."
"If I'm hard enough on myself, maybe I'll finally get this under control."
For a lot of people, though, guilt just helps us make up more evidence for the case against ourselves.
It's like we think feeling bad now will somehow prevent future mistakes. And self-criticism is the price we have to pay to avoid repeating them.
But, does it? We've known for a very long time that it does not.
These internal courtroom hearings also rarely produce new information.
The verdict is usually the same one you've heard before:
You should have known better. You need more discipline. Try harder next time.
Guilty.
🐾 Sweet Moment(s): Overruled!
Benny eats like he's trying to set a personal speed record. You kinda have to see it to believe it.
So we replaced his regular bowl with one of those slow-feeder bowls designed to make dogs take their time.
The look he gave? Basically...
"Wow. I thought this was a judgment-free household.".
I'm still not sure he's forgiven us.
What's up next week? A special edition!
Got questions? Feedback? Something you'd like to hear about? I'd love to hear from you. Hit reply and send me a note, any time.
Until next time - more dogs, less dogma. Always.
Carol
P.S. New here? Welcome! Curious about past issues? You can find them, here.
